Five Songs That Stab My Heart

My friend Dodie uploaded a video about her five favourite songs. I couldn’t possibly pick my five favourites, but a common theme in her video was "these songs stabbed me in the heart". So, here are five songs that stabbed my heart the first time I heard them, and continue to make lil stabs and jabs and tiny cuts every time I hear them.

Melt My Heart To Stone by Adele

In 2011 I had my heart broken for the first time. It was a really fucking hard time; it felt as if my entire world had been shattered. This song resonated with me in the most painful way possible, but hearing the words “I’m the only one in love” just… I can’t even explain. I was so fucking in love with this boy, and couldn’t imagine my world without him, and wrapping my head around the fact that he didn’t feel the same way low key destroyed me. I’m genuinely 100% over him now, but hearing this will bring me right back to his hallway, or the church near his house, or Green Park station, or any other place where I completely broke down because ur girl accidentally thought about being apart from him. 

Key lyric: You say my name like there could be an us. I best tidy up my head, I'm the only one in love. I'm the only one in love. 

I Wanna Be Yours by The Arctic Monkeys

For me, this is the perfect love song. One lovely summer night I remember discussing AM with my friend Luke. He said this was his favourite song from the album and I was like “oh really? It isn’t even nearly up there for me”. He just responded with “wait until you love someone and you’ll understand”. And then I developed a high key crush on someone and this song was all I could listen to. There are so many songs about wanting someone to be all yours, but this song is more than that. It’s a dedication. It’s saying you want nothing more than to belong fully to them. The vulnerability behind it punches me in the gut, and as such I avoid it whenever I have a crush because it only makes things SO MUCH WORSE.

Key lyric: Maybe I just wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours.

(Sidebar: aforementioned friend Luke is now moving in with the girl he was talking about in the summer of 2013 so that’s PRETTY DARN CUTE IMO)

And The Snakes Start To Sing by Bring Me The Horizon

This song encapsulates my depression. There’s a certain level of hopelessness that hits me quite deeply. More than this, I can’t even big to describe how it makes me feel musically. My body moves with this song; my back arches when Oli screams, certain beats make me sway, and I can identify the guitar riffs that will make me curl into a ball, hug my knees and wait until that part is over. I have been shaped by this song, it lives at my core and I don’t think that will ever change. Everything I'm too scared to say aloud is expressed here.

Key lyric: I'm just a would've been, could've been, should've been, never was and never ever will be. 

Oceans Between Us by The Getaway Plan

I started crying when I played this to write about it. Like, it is very much 6am and I haven’t yet slept but regardless, it’s an emotional one. If I had to name one song that got me through my biggest break up, it would be this. Matt sings of a love that you thought only you knew, and then hits you with “but there’s no point in looking backwards when there are oceans between us”. Our relationship ended because I moved back to Australia, and so as you can imagine that hit a girl KINDA FUCKING HARD. This particular man and I never did get back together, but this song just reminds me I’m capable of a love like that, that I’m able to get over, and that I’ll hopefully feel that way again. It gave me hope when I needed hope, told me how perfect things were when I needed reminding, and eventually allowed me to let go when I needed to move on. 

Key lyric: There was a time when I could hold you, and we would watch the whole world spin.

A Tale of Outer Suburbia by Hands Like Houses

To me, this song is about feeling disconnected and completely disheartened with the way your life is going. About not seeing home in the place you're supposed to call home and an overwhelming despair that it won't get better. And you get to the point where you want to scream and let the world collapse around you, if only for a moment. Everything is pushing on you and it’s crushing you but there’s nothing you can do. If you’ve listened to this album before, my life went from No Parallels to A Tale of Outer Suburbia and Oceandust (mentioned next) in two months. I went from the highest I’ve felt in my entire life to the lowest. Only this song ever really summed that up.

Key lyric: A thousand unfamiliars are lying thick on the air and I can't breathe.

Ocean dust by Hands Like Houses

This is the song to follow A Tale of Outer Suburbia. You know how you so desperately wanted to crack, and break down, and scream until your lungs are on fire before collapsing in a mess on the floor? This is the song you sing when you’re on the floor. Every breakdown had a soundtrack in my mind and it was just this song on loop.

Key lyric: I don't want to pretend that I'm stronger for it all. I don't want to pretend that the sadness is gone.

Right This Second: The First Time

This format of blog is best suited to exotic locations and milestone moments in life. I'm just sitting in my living room but my mind is running on MASSIVE blog posts that I can't possibly write up right now, or nothing at all. Anyway, have this.

Making: Some very big decisions

Cooking: Up some schemes

Drinking: Water bc hydration is important. I really want that to become an integral part of my #brand as it’s something I’m real passionate about.

Reading: a million and one job descriptions

Wanting: To be in London already

Looking: At the living room. It’s messy which I don’t like because Maddi and I need to do tarot cards tonight and this isn’t a clear environment for that.

Wasting: The day and maybe my life, who knows.

Wishing: That I had a job at Buzzfeed and also that I was fifteen kilos lighter but that’s always the case, so.

Enjoying: The water I’m drinking. Hydration is important, my friends.

Waiting: For January 22^nd.

Watching: YouTube videos #relatable

 Liking: How positive things are looking

Wondering: oh LORD we do not have time for this right now

Loving: She’s Not Afraid by One Direction. It just came on shuffle and since it came out I’ve been convinced that it is about me.

Hoping: I can get a job at Buzzfeed

Marvelling: At how I’m single because it’s been genuinely baffling to me lately. I’m a great girlfriend and I need the people I’m crushing on to realise that.

Needing: To tidy the living room

 Smelling: Like Yog Nog soap because ur girl had a shower even though she’s not leaving the house like the clean and put-together gal she is

Wearing: black leggings and a black t-shirt.
Playing: Want Some More by Nicki Minaj. Danke, shuffle.

Following: My dreams which is exciting but also a little terrifying (but mum and dad if you’re reading this I’m not at all nervous and am making the right decisions, I promise)

Noticing: I have a slight headache. Need to up the water intake, probably.

Knowing: That the water I just drank was a good decision #spon

Thinking: I'll need to write down a list of goals and a list of things to ask the tarot cards. My brain is a scrambled mess.

Feeling: Fat and I know "fat" isn't a feeling but I ate a lot of Weetbix just now and my belly is genuinely protruding a good five centimetres more than it normally does.

(Sidebar, stole this from Maddi's blog. She probably stole it from someone else idk but go stalk hers anyway bc there's some top notch content on there)

Exploring St Kilda

I’m a strong advocate for making the most of where you live. Travel excites me a cray amount, but if you can’t appreciate your landing pad you’re never going to be satisfied. I’ve lived in Melbourne for nearly eighteen months now- the longest I’ve been in one place since I was fourteen. Despite this, I’m not sure I know Melbourne as well as I should. Before moving to London (!!!) I want to make a conscious effort to explore this genuinely v rad city. And so that’s why this blog post is happening.

gonna get me a yacht one day

St Kilda is positively gorgeous. There’s something about living so close to an ocean that comforts me. I don’t visit it often, largely due to how far from my house it is, but every time I do it’s like “yeah. This is chill. I like this”. And I know that England has “beaches” but the fact that I automatically put the word “beaches” in quotation marks shows how little I think of them. Sorry guys, but some chopped up pebbles near water that you need a wetsuit to swim in isn’t a beach. I’m not a ~beach gal~ and lbr I’ve not worn a swimsuit in public since 2006 because of cripplingly low self esteem, but I STILL LIKE KNOWING THE BEACH IS THERE AND LOOKING GREAT WITH FINE SAND AND SHOULD I STOP HATING MYSELF I COULD MAYBE SWIM IN IT A LITTLE WITHOUT FREEZING TO DEATH. They may be far from where I live but at least I can presently visit beautiful beaches using a few trams instead of a plane.

St Kilda is home to penguins, which I only learned when a pal from overseas told me. In my defense I am never near St Kilda but also there are fucking penguins in Melbourne why didn’t I know this sooner. I looked up where and when the penguins would be around, messaged my friend as though I knew this information off the top of my head because I am a cool Melbournian who is In The Know about these sorts of things, and so our adventure began.

After sighting the penguins (look, I know the photos are terrible but I was too busy forming bonds with these lil waddling fluff creatures) we wandered around the jetties. Jetties are wonderful because 1. You’re just walking in the middle of the ocean and everything around you is incredibly aesthetically pleasing and 2. You get to see all the fancy yachts and dream about the day you’re hella loaded and can buy a yacht. Also, all of the nice yachts are kept on a private jetty meaning you get even more jetty to walk on. If that isn’t a good enough reason to buy a yacht, I don’t know what is.

Soundtrack: Everybody Talks by Neon Trees

That essentially concluded our lovely stroll around St Kilda. I’m aware that there are some Super Hip and Cool places to eat and drink there, but I am real poor (I don’t know if you heard, but I’m moving to London and apparently that costs money). You can’t put a price on penguins. Well, you probably can, but thankfully Abbott hasn’t fucked that one up yet. Focusing on the mass murder of asylum seekers and denying same-sex couples the same rights as heterosexual couples. So, like, that sucks. But St Kilda is pretty and Abbott can’t fuck up the ocean lol jks he actually can and is doing so. How did this turn into a political rant. St Kilda is pretty and I like it 10/10 would visit again.

there r penguinz hear but u cant see dem